EDITOR'S NOTE: Welcome to 'SPINAL TAP - Phase III.' First Brian Morton wrote, recorded and performed a weekly DVD preview podcast for us. Then we tried a monthly version. Now he's back on a weekly schedule--as a columnist! That's right, every week Brian will be previewing all of the new horror DVDs for you, loyal readers, and you don't have to worry about getting fired because your co-worker in the next cubicle overhears the raunch and filth coming over your computer speakers at work. Here at Fear Zone we value the power of the written word.

There's nothing that I love better than to head down to the local video store on new DVD day! The smell of those fresh DVDs in the air, the clerks are all so happy, the shelves are packed with brand new DVDs filled with grue and gore for me to take home and enjoy in the quiet and comfort of my easy chair.

Okay, that's the fantasy, the reality is that I head to the video store, which usually smells like the local high schools boys locker room and the clerks are never happy to see anyone, they're usually too wrapped up in wondering how they've lived this long and are still only working as a clerk in a video store. The only real part of my fantasy is me heading happily over to the new release shelf to check out what's new on horror DVD, and taking something home to scare myself silly! Here's what you'll find on YOUR local video store's shelves on April 7th:

SWAMP DEVIL from Genius Products is the tale of a young woman who returns to her hometown only to find that her estranged father is in hiding and being accused of murdering people in the swamps. When the real culprit emerges, it's an inhuman mass of vines and muck and it brings some surprising secrets with it....I'm hoping that it's that elusive youth restoring mud mask we've been hoping for!

DONKEY PUCH from Magnolia Home Entertainment is your standard tale of kids on a Mediterranean vacation, overindulging in champagne and ecstasy (a combo that's nearly as fun as my favorite combo of pop rocks and coke). When one of the friends dies in a freak accident, the others panic and argue about what to do, which leads to the inevitable fight for survival. This is just one more reason to just say no...to vacations with your friends.

Lionsgate is putting HOUSE on shelves toady. The story of a self obsessed couple who, after their car breaks down on the way to therapy, find themselves at a Bed and Breakfast with another equally self obsessed couple. The couple of couples find themselves terrorized by the house's weird servants and a lunatic known as the 'Tin Man' who demands a dead body by sunrise! Their only way out is to play the Tin Man's game. I thought the Tin Man wanted a heart, it seems a bit greedy to demand a whole body!

THE DEATH FACTORY BLOODLETTING from Well Go USA is the tale of a mother whose daughter was murdered. When a video of the murder turns up on the internet, she tracks it to an underground website known as the Gorehouse. She poses as a dealer in illegal video's to gain access to the group and is invited to an abandoned factory to witness a 'bloodletting', where an innocent person is tortured and killed. Only, once inside the factory, she, and others who were invited, discover that it's all a trap by a madman who's using the factory as his personal version of Hell! And you thought the guys who send out spam were bad!

DISTURBED from Celebrity Home Video is the story of the town of Quartz Hill, a town that's about to have the worst night in its history. It seems that a killer has escaped from death row and is on his way to the town in order to kill the Fontaine family. As he stalks his victims one by one, we discover why he's doing it, and what it means to be disturbed. I used to know what it meant to be disturbed...but I quit dating that chick!

In 'BA'Al: THE STORM GOD from First Look Pictures, an archeologist is attempting to reawaken the storm god by collecting four ancient amulets. As each amulet is uncovered, Ba'al's fury builds until mankind itself is threatened by being in the path of the most powerful storm ever! I wonder if this is what happened to New Orleans?

Tempe Video informs us that MURDER IS LIKE SEX this month. Kevin Wright is looking for a long term relationship. We see what he goes through in his quest including a dangerous side effect from chronic masturbation! And when the police peg him as the prime suspect in a murder, things get more complicated for Kevin. I wonder if the masturbation and the murder are linked...if so, this may be the most interesting video of the month!

Brain Damage Films is releasing the complete (so far) BANNED IN AMERICA series, that's 5 DVDs! This is five collections of police chases, horrible accidents and strange behavior, all of it banned from American TV. And you know, when they ban it here, I just have to see it! So don't get between me and the video store shelves!

And finally, Magnolia Home Entertainment brings us terror on the SHUTTLE this week. When a group of people are trapped on an airport shuttle with a psycho, the trip gets very strange indeed. If you've ever been on an airport shuttle, then you know, it's scary enough without being trapped in there with a psycho.

Well, that should keep your DVD player full for the week, if not, then you're going to ruin your eye sight watching that many movies...and don't sit that close to the TV...and if you keep doing that you're going to go blind...WAIT! Damn, I was channeling my parents for a minute there...sorry. So, until next week, keep that video membership card warm and remember, you can find more movie recommendations at my site Bad Movie Guy.com, or you can follow my indie movie adventures over at Rogue Cinema.com and you can always find the best in horror info right here at Fear Zone.com and you can also remember, if you do it so much that it's interfering with your eye-sight, you're probably doing it wrong!