Film Reviews: ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE UNDEAD, I SELL THE DEAD, THE CONJURER, MUM AND DAD

Sundance is not the only place to find horrors in Park City. Sadly, my tight schedule did not permit a visit to Tromadance this year, which apparently kept a much lower profile than usual. Except for a few detail-lacking fliers posted about, there were no outward indicators of the presence of Lloyd Kaufman's annual fiercely independent festival (no fees, free to the public.) The Toxic Avenger, usually a permanent fixture on Main Street, was nowhere to be seen, nor were scantily clad Tromettes and Fan Boys performing their ritualistic "Troma -dance" performed in past years. Sigh. The times they are a changing.

Across the street from the Egyptian Theater, Slamdance continues to reside at the Treasure Mountain Inn and, as always, boasted a number of freaky-sounding horror-themed pics. In former years they've brought us such genre classics as THE CALL OF CTHULHU and the super awesome zombie kung-fu flick HARRY KNUCKLES AND THE AZTEC MUMMY. But I have to admit I was disappointed with their genre fare this year.

ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE UNDEAD

With a name like ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN ARE UNDEAD one would think writer/director Jordan Galland could not possibly go wrong. Alas, I found this not to be the case. The film looks great for a low-budget feature and it does have its moments. Actor John Ventimiglia delivers a good vampiric performance as Horatio and some of the minor characters offer up some fun comic relief throughout. But the film doesn't live up to its totally awesome title. It plays much like a Mel Brooks film, only not the Mel Brooks of YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN, but more along the lines of DRACULA: DEAD AND LOVING IT. The film tries too hard to be clever, but more often than not delivers a very self-congratulatory "on-the-nose" brand of humor, belaboring each joke and ultimately making the film drag in many spots. The acting, or perhaps the directing, is too inconsistent to sustain a believable world. Admittedly, I may be bitter. I forewent a chance to see ZOMBIE GIRL in order to wait in line for tickets for this one and fear I chose the wrong film. I've heard great things about the documentary of a young girl making her first zombie feature and look forward to its release.

I SELL THE DEAD

The best of the horror at Slamdance this year undoubtedly goes to I SELL THE DEAD, which was preceded by an aptly made super low budget short called A LITTLE MOUTH TO FEED. Not unlike an abbreviated episode of TALES FROM THE CRYPT, MOUTH was a fun exercise in indie Southern Gothic Horror and made up in atmosphere and frugal innovative filmmaking for what it lacked in originality and depth.

I SELL THE DEAD looks fabulous. Imagine Monty Python humor with Hammer Film aesthetics and EVIL DEAD II special effects. In other words, it's a very pretty film with a great personality - definitely worthy of a first date. A highlight is a moment where the grave-robbers discover a corpse with a stake through her heart. The scene is practically plucked straight out of RETURN OF THE VAMPIRE with flashes of ABBOTT AND COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN, only with more polish and "higher stakes" as it were. The humorous action sequences even border on the best of the MR. VAMPIRE series. That said, this film should have been better. There are so many wonderful moments that will delight those enthralled by vampires, zombies and retro horror, yet the film too often drags. Neither the plot nor the characters are really all that compelling. It's hard to get invested or suspend one's disbelief for a sustained period. And without any true scares or suspense, the movie falls a bit flat. The director, also an FX artist, knows his stuff and with the right script will no doubt deliver a winner as he hones his craft. Again, well worth a rental.

THE CONJURER

The third horror movie I saw with baby issues this festival season, THE CONJURER is half Lifetime-Movie-of-the-Week, half Asian Horror Remake (only it's not a remake, nor Asian.) Another pregnant woman who miscarries convinces her husband to move out to the boonies with her. On their new property sits a creepy cabin once belonging to a witch according to local folklore. The first half of the movie is steeped in melodrama. The second half is devoted to freaky horror stuff. The rest of the movie is equally inconsistent. Some of the cinematography is really quite stunning. Other times it looks like cheap over-exposed video with little regard for craft. The special effects range from seamless and well done to over-the-top goofy. The third act is by far the strongest. Despite a reliance on too many false scares and cheap jolts, there are a number of genuinely creepy moments reminiscent of THE RING. I will not give away the ending, but suffice to say, "it's been done to death." I came away from this one thinking the director would have been wise to use his obvious talents to creep us out in a much tighter short before jumping into this uneven feature.

MUM AND DAD

I have definitely not saved the best for last. I feel bad. While waiting in line for this one I met the very cool distributor who regaled my group with engaging conversation and free t-shirts. I really wanted to like this film. And at the onset I thought I just might. It begins with a couple of working class misfits, totally awkward, yet sort of endearing. I actually dared to hope this might be "Mike Leigh goes suburban horror." No such luck. After an interesting set-up the film abruptly turns into a low-budget torture porn that adds nothing new to an already unimaginative subgenre. The characters could be interesting if the writer had bothered to give them a plot. However, not only is there no real story or character development, but even the torture and gore is not particularly original or visually stimulating.

The highlight of the film is when the Dad character uses somebody's innards to sexually gratify himself and we're treated to a post-coital close-up of his semen running down a human liver. While there's no doubt an audience for such sights, which may very well include me for that matter, this moment still shouldn't be the best part of the movie. Even the promise of a "Christmas tree torso" mentioned in the filmmaker's "war story" left me disappointed - especially after TREEVENGE showed us how it can be done with such class.