Fear Zone's "The Leisure Chair" columnist J.G. Faherty reports on his appearance on THE HOWARD STERN SHOW today:

So, I get picked to be on Stern today, for a contest. No idea of what contest will be, all they tell me is that it won't be anything embarrassing or involving anyone being naked. So the wife and I go down there. Will Murray told me on the phone I'll get to take pictures, get things signed, meet everyone, and promote my business.

We get there, and the contest is me against another guy, we have to call Beetlejuice from across the room and see who he comes to, like calling a dog. The prize is a free trip to Vegas to see the Adult Video News Awards (the porn expo). So the contest starts, and Beetle gets halfway across the room, and it's still a tie, he's looking at both of us as we call (we were told we can't use $$ or food to tempt him). Then the other guy whips out his keys and starts jingling them, and Beetle zooms over there like a bird going for something shiny. I lose.

Cool points: got autographs from Howard, Gary, Ronnie, and a porn starlet. Got to be on the Stern show. met Beetlejuice. Said 'hi' to Robin, Fred, Gary, and Sal. Won a box of porn videos.

Bad points: Never got to meet Howard personally off the air. Robin 'didn't have time' to sign my book. Never got to take pictures with anyone except Gary. Didn't get Fred's autograph, 'cause he was busy setting up commercials. Didn't get Sal or Richard Christy's autographs 'cause they were in a studio recording something. Didn't get to keep my Sirius day pass as a souvenier. Never got to plug my company, so no free advertising.

Now it's back to work!

When I read this I turned on my Sirius radio just in time to hear the segment, which was of course hilarious. The old "jingling trees" trick! Better luck next time, J.G. Howard and Robin may be too big to give you a plug, but not us:

In addition to being a columnist for Fear Zone, J.G. Faherty is the owner of www.a-perfect-resume.com. He's not just the president, he's a member, too!

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